the PAIN i went through
was so overwhelming.
but..
i endured..

it all started that day
sunday
when i went out to do CIP
met yvonne
once she pulled my right hand
and i screamed
i screamed..
what the bloody hell was that??
yvonne was like whywhy?
i didnt take it seriously but
it was veryvery painful when she pull me
so whatt i told her
dont worry. muscle cramp.

but..
i was wondering to myself
why am i having cramp when in the first place
i dint know any activities..vigorous one..
except for the recent 2.4..
but it was ok
the next day
there was nth

so..
the pain was still there
sticking to me the whole day
cant cut the paper cos my arm was painful
went for lunch..
came back to the national library
hardly discuss
and went back cos i was feeling veryvery sick..
i told yvonne and eunice that i wanted to go home..
so they followed me.
i told yvonne
i was feeling feverish and may not come to school on monday..
i didnt mean it
but it really came true
i not only ddidnt come on monday
but also tuesday..

came home
bathed and was wondering why my arm huts
so in the toilet i looked the mirror
got shocks
when i saw a big blueblack lump on my backnear the jointss
panic
i didnt dare tell my father
so i call my mummy who was in toapayoh
buying smth.
came home..
showed her
and she brought me to the hospital
saying that lump surely need to operate if not will spread to other parts of the body..

went A&E
took number
saw a doctor and he said

:if this is ont he hand or leg we can do the operation here
but on the back cannot because got a lot od blood vessels

tt moment i expected what he was trying to say.
yes..
i was admitted..
i cried because i knew i couldnt go to school on mondayy
then i went to my ward
consultant came saw the lump and say
quite big..really serious..operation at 1am.
then i cried again because i was going to have my op soon!!
criedcriecried.
1am nurse said : fatimah are you ready for the operation
then i started crying again and said: Nonono!

but my mother said : oh yes..
pfft.
so went to the operatiing theatre and waited
then surgeons came and brought me to the operating room
i cried louder cos i very scared
my mother comfortes me and said
: it will be all over soon!

then i entered the operating room
i cried because the room was so scary withall the shining knifess

then theya sked to lie down on the air bed
they poked me with the needle on my hand to insert the medicine for anasthesia
then they put the oxygen mask and they ask me to breathe thru my mouth cos i was crying
then
blink..
blinkk..
i think i fell asleep
and the next moment..
i woke up and was in the operatin theatre
but this time..
everything was over..
my eyes were heavy but i could feel the stinging pain...
they brought me back to my ward
tranfer bed and the surgeons ask me not to worry and i was brave
for that, they gave me a certificate.
my worries were partially over but the feelingi could not describe
i was shivering in the op room.
i think that will be the modt scariest moment i will everexperinence in my life..
every four hours..
they will insert antibiotic in my hand
and i will be screaming in painn
and my mother holding my hand..
they put in htru thru the needle poked..
then everybody in the ward will be staring at me
i will fan my hand cos of the pain
it was no use but at least
i had smth to do instead of thinking of the pain
and there is two anti they will insert att one time
then first day
went for my first dressing 12hrs after the op..
they took out some blood collected in the lump and replaced it with gauze
so..
dreesing is the time they will take out the gauze
wash the woung with special water and insert gauze to absorb more blood till it dries
the process is very unbearable...
i will scream a lot and the nurse will be there holding my hand and saying
it will beover soon
but..
why must these go on everyday for three weeks???
and this is only the forth day..mind you.
how many more days must i endure?

shitholes.
stayed there until tuesday
tuesday morning
doctor said that my fever had subsise
opened my wound and said that its getting better but is a lil bit passy.
so went for my second dressing
screamscream.
had lunch
went home.
sleep

can hardly move my hand
and may need to go fr tharapy
if not jam.

so yes.

this is an experience i will never forget.